the key to your sex life

Part of the turn-on of talking dirty is that most women aren’t explicit about sex the rest of the time. If you’re the type who swears like a sailor during lunch with the Parents’ and Teachers’ Association, it’s probably not going to surprise him particularly if you continue doing it in bed. But for girls who play it pure and virginal in public, saving your wild inner-temptress for behind closed doors can spice up a so-so sex life instantly.

So go on, be brave! And be the one to suggest it. Here’s how:

• Start with sexy texts or emails. It’s often less embarrassing to write something down than it is to say it straight to someone’s face—even better if you’re not around when they read it! Start small. Send a short text saying, “How good was our sex last night? I want more!” Slip a sexy note into his wallet or briefcase saying, “I can’t stop thinking about having sex with you. I might have to take matters into my own hands tonight because you won’t be around.”

• Suggest it in bed. Increase the intensity of your moans and groans generally, then describe what’s happening: “I’m watching you disappear inside me and that is so sexy.” If you can hold eye contact as you’re describing it, you get extra points. Follow this by whispering, “Tell me what you’d really like to do to me” in his ear. If he looks horrified, give a little giggle to lighten things up.

• Timing is everything. Sometimes, it’s ultra-sexy to talk dirty somewhere very public. He may consider it to be teasing if you whisper something wicked into his ear when you’re on the subway, surrounded by bored commuters — but he’s unlikely to complain. However, if it’s the first time you’ve ever talked dirty to each other, and you’re unsure of a reaction, wait until you’re well into a sex session, with both of you hovering on the edge of orgasm. Your bodies are flooded with sex hormones, and he’ll be far more likely to let loose.

• Don’t worry if it sounds cheesy. All dirty talk is cheesy!

• Plagiarize. If you’re having phone sex, it’s perfectly acceptable to read out sections from a naughty mag or erotic book pretending it’s your fantasy.

• If he starts saying things you don’t like, tell him. Don’t accuse or lecture if he uses words or scenarios you find a bit offensive, just say, “Oh, I don’t like that word. But I loved it when you said X. Can you go back to that? I was really loving it.” Swear words are optional. Some men find it incredibly erotic if you use them, especially if you don’t usually swear. But you can still talk up a sexual storm without them.

• Want him to be more graphic? Drop in the odd “bad” word and see how he reacts. If he hears you use them, he’ll get the green light to do the same.

-Diana

1) Making out. While making out Lesbian Move #1 can be used, namely you putting one of your legs between hers and grinding it up so that every once in a while it hits the clitoris through her pants. If done by a master of the technique (which I am not, but was done to me) climax can be acheived whilst the bottom is STILL wearing pants.

2) Clothing still on, but hands roaming around in the shirt, touching bare skin.

3) Bra removal (while shirt is still on!) **Important Note** - To mask killing the mood whilst fumbling at the catches, suck on her neck a bit so that she’s not thinking about how clumsy you are.

4) LOTS of licking/ear sucking.

5) Shirt/total bra removal.

6) Kissing/licking/sucking upper chest and collarbone area. Optional: If you’re a bit buff, reach behind her and like, hug her to you whilst doing this, tightish embraces at this point work fabulously.

7) NO BREASTS YET! Torso Teaser: Take your tongue and run it all the way down (roughly in a straight line between her breasts) until you get to the waistline of her pants, then kiss/lick/suck her stomach and work your way up.

8) NOW you can start in on breasts, but nipple work is last. Swirling your tongue has some fabulous facets to it, as does sucking. BDSM Option - Okay, NOT TOO HARD but just lightly enough to make it shocking, throw in a bit of a slow LIGHT bite, these are nipples here, don’t be getting too hardcore with them!

9) Now we’re ready for the big guns (since pretty much all of lesbian sex is foreplay, also, if she makes moves to remove bits of your clothing LET HER! Lesbian sex is all about playing switch and taking turns getting one another off. Multiple orgasms in combination with alternating tops make it last a LONG time.

10) Work your way back up and start making out again, if at any time during steps 2-8 you want to break and make out some more, feel free to do so, these are guidelines, not play by play scenarios, sex is a freestyle sport. Also, taking a breast (or two) in hand and kneading it (kinda like dough) is rather helpful every now and again.

11) Work on neck/ear kiss/suck/lick-ing, whilst doing so, work on the buttons of her pants, and the fly. At this point depending on HOW naked the two of you are getting, you can either go for pant/underwear removal, or just work a hand down there. **Foreplay Bonus** - BEFORE you put your hand into her pants, spend some time kneading her inner thighs (through clothes) with some open handed squeezing.

12a) Second Party Masturbation: Okay, the key here is, just think about the things you like doing to yourself during masturbation, that, and FINDING the clitoris on another person, which may take awhile. Also, don’t neglect the sides of the clitoris, and for Gods’ sakes don’t forget to relube every once in awhile. This can be taken care of rather hotly, take your middle finger and dip down, all nerves in the vaginal canal exist in the first 1/3rd of it after the opening anyway, so unless you’re hunting down the G-spot or using a strap-on depth really doesn’t matter all that much. Single finger penetration at this point, HOT! After you’ve gotten more lubrication, go back up and continue clitoral stimulation. Your hand is probably going to get excruciatingly tired, BUT KEEP GOING! Because you’re probably going to have to speed up the tempo once your partner starts nearing climax, and that hurts like a bitch, but the payoff is worth it.

12b) Going Downtown: This requires total pant removal, to remove the awkwardness from the situation (ie, her pants/underwear are PROBABLY going to get stuck at some point) spend time, when something goes awry, kissing any available skin to make your partner feel sexy and not ridiculous because her pants are stuck. Okay, at this point, Pants/Underwear Are Now Off: There it is, in all of it’s furred glory. Note: To make it easier on your partner you should really trim your bush down to a rather manageable size, because the last thing ANYONE wants to do is floss with your pubic hair, and yes, this DOES HAPPEN so be forewarned. Right, now we’re working on foreplay-ish things, because that’s what the majority of lesbian sex is (when considered by the hetero-realm), foreplay. So kiss/suck/lick her inner thighs, because they’re highly sensitive, and if you’re absolutely totally lost down there and can’t even figure out WHERE the vaginal opening is (much less the clitoris) take ONE finger (depending on how totally gay your partner is, you may only be able to use one finger at ALL during all of this, some women are tighter than others) and do slow penetration again, and then drag it up her inner labial lips until you hit the clit, then you’ve found your treasure map X. Take your tongue and do the exact same thing you did with your finger, only you don’t have to pull off penetration, just the slow upward stroke TO BE CONTINUED!

12c) G-spot: COMING SOON!

12d) Strap-ons: COMING SOON!

13) When ALL of this is over, you better not forget to cuddle! Lest you be likened to *gasp* some crude insensitive straight man. And who wants that?

-Diana